TECH SUPPORT  HORROR STORIES!

These are stories that have been reported by others to have actually happened.

Caller: You want to know how many windows I have open? Do you mean in this room only or in the entire house?

Caller: I called a few weeks back and ordered the updated Windows 95 driver for my printer. I just got it in the mail today. Can you help me install it?

Tech Support: Sure. Click on Start, Settings, Printers...

Caller: Start? There isn't anything here labeled "Start."

Tech Support: You're running Windows 95, right?

Caller: No, Windows 3.11. Isn't this disk I got an upgrade to Windows 95?

Tech Support: No, sir, it's a printer driver for Windows 95. Hewlett Packard does not provide free upgrades to Windows 95.

Caller: Oh. I guess I'll have to install Windows 95. (Hangs up).

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens."
The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where "Any" key is.

AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat, and still failing to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up, and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech referred him to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

A secretary called a service engineer to inspect a computer because she said there was nothing on the screen. When he got there he turned the computer on and removed a "Post-It" note from the top left corner of the screen, where it had been obscuring the flashing cursor. Another time, he was told "Oh, yes, we have back-ups", and was shown floppy disks pinned to a notice board.

Only two years ago, most calls came from technologists seeking answers to complex problems, but now most questions are so basic that they could be answered by opening the manual. One person called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the front page of the manual. The woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2000 for this damm thing, and I'm not going to read a book."

It seem that if there is a manual and a phone side by side the phone wins every time. One frustrated customer called Compaq they had unpacked their new Contura plugged it in and nothing had happened for 20 minutes. When asked what happened when they pressed the power switch, they asked "What power switch."

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he could not stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

By the way: Is my 486 a pentium?

(Here's the often 3 1/2" floppy question): My computer came with 25 removable hard drives that I can put in my pocket!

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